Why Is Saying No good For Everyone
Why are we so uncomfortable with being honest with others and just saying NO?
We don’t like rejection and so do not like to reject others, consequently we make numerous excuses rather than say what we really think. The problem with this is that we end up doing things that we do not like, do not want and what does not serve our purpose.
More often than not you know that your answer is no, however, you feel guilty being honest with yourself and with others. You might give an excuse because we do not want to hurt other people’s feelings. Don’t you think this is an odd way that we all conduct our life? You know you are not interested; however you feel that you have to protect your colleagues, family and friends from telling them what you think and how you really feel. It is understandable how we all think we need to spare others from being rejected and hurt. It is because we have such a strong desire to be liked that we are not true to ourselves.
But Who and What Suffers?
Your dream suffers, you suffer and others suffer too. Many times you give up your power to make decisions in your live. How many goals in your life are actually yours and how many of your goals were made to make someone else happy? How can you be all that you can be, unless you take responsibility of not only what you want but how you want to live? You have already been given permission to be you, so why not be your authentic you, your purposeful you and your true you.
I mentor and speak to many people and an aversion to saying NO is a common trait, especially in women, so I am going to give you a gift. I am going to make it easy for you to take control of your life and say NO to the things that do not serve your purpose. The gift of a ‘Happy No’ I have shared my ‘Happy to say NO’ in many speaking engagements and received feedback from mentees about how well it has worked in their life and business, so I am happy to share this with you.
Why Is Saying No good For Everyone
We all want certainty. Your brain does not like uncertainty, it feels like a threat to your life, a type of pain, something to be avoided. When the craving for certainty is met, there is a sensation of reward. Mind games like solitaire, Sudoku and crosswords are enjoyable because as you progress they give you a little rush from creating conformation of certainty, in a safe way. Uncertainty is like an inability to create a complete map. Now you can confidently say No knowing that it is giving a certainty reward to the brain.
Why is ‘Happy No’ Effective?
If you just said NO you:
- Feel great about giving a clear and concise direction.
- Feel a certain reward as the No giver.
- Have complete the map for the receiver and give them an opportunity to progress elsewhere.
- Know that you are helping the receiver of NO move on.
- Accept the reality of the situation.
- Do not reject or feel rejected.
- Remain open and warm rather than hard and closed.
- Do not have to trade of guilt in the decision.
- Do not invite a comeback to your clear and concise decision.
Watch the video so you know what your ‘Happy NO’ feels like. Trust me you are going to love saying your ‘Happy No’.
Here is the exercise: Breathe-in and when you breathe-out say a firm confident NO while creating the biggest smile and hold the shape. Hold for a second so you know what it feels like and so the receiver has time to compute that you said NO while your facial language was warm and soft.
Happy No: This is a way to just say No with a smile; who can take offense at that?
You must guard against other people’s distillation of your dream that distracts you to places that does not serve your purpose. It is hard to attack someone that has a soft and pleasant countenance although they may not do what you want. What is the worst that can happen? Just share your ‘Happy No’ and give other the gift of certainty and make your life reflect your awesomeness. Just say No!